Lost Girl

i havent blogged in a while but i just got a tablet so i think i am going to start up again. i really enjoy it.

i got injured and havent run in a long time. it makes me really sad. actually more than that it really fucks with my head. i wasnt true to myself. i started out training for 8 miles when i was injured. and it just was such a shitty session. i did it because i wanted to keep up with everyone. but i was hurt so i couldnt anyways. running has been so important to me and i feel like i have lost it.

i started in the new program doing tiny intervals. and i hate it. i hate walking. it feels like a waste of time. i need to get to the gym and i cant.

i had gained 10 pounds and got up to 177. i started a low carb diet 3 weeks ago and am down to 169. it just seems sooooo slow. i havent been exercising and have not been actually counting carbs just eating low carb. i dont know. i feel soooo lost.

i dont like eating this way. doesnt make me feel good. i feel good on paleo. that is not low carb. but the scary thing about paleo is that it really isnt a weight loss plan. it's a healthy eating plan and i dont want to count anything or weigh anything. i did well on weight watchers but it has too much wiggle room for right now.

i wonder if i should do paleo with fat smash restrictions?  only 2 servings of dairy a day. no fake sugar. that's basically phase 2 of fat smash. i want to find a diet that tells me to eat meat, fruits, non starchy vegetables and dairy. but i think i need to limit my fruit and my dairy. ugh. this is all so much. why cant there be a super simple plan out there?

i need to get back to exercising because it makes me feel alive. i am supposed to meet a friend at the gym tomorrow morning and i really better go. it's just hard because when i run, it doesnt feel like exercise. i just talk and listen and hang out with a friend. so it felt like 2 birds with one stone. and it made me feel sooooo good.

i have another 10 days of this low carb thing and then i need to change to something else. i hope i can be at my goal of 167 by then!!

First Time Trial

Yesterday was the first day of 2.0. It was my very first time trial. A time trial is to figure out where you fall pace wise. You run two miles as fast as you can you shouldn't be able to talk and it should be really really hard. They time you and based on that they put you in a pace group. In 2.0, Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings our group workouts. On Wednesdays, you do speed work. On Saturday you are in a pace group and you go for a long run. Because you are increasing your distance on Saturdays, you need to slow down. The pace group with a pacer helps you slow down.

I was really nervous because I'm a very slow runner. The highest pace group is a 15 and I was really hoping to not be dead last. Not that I'm not very used to being last at this point! I was actually really hoping for a 14. I ran my two mile time trial in exactly 24 minutes even. That means I ran a 12 minute mile! Twice. They put you in a pace group 1 minute above your pace from the time trial. Remember this is too slow you down on Saturdays for your long run. So I am in the 13 pace group.

I can't begin to say how proud I am of myself and how astonished I am by how far I've come. One thing that I was thinking the whole time that I was running was that when I started my program in October of 2014 I couldn't even run a mile. I couldn't even run a minute. And 12 weeks later I was running 3 miles straight! But the thing is that when I first started to learn to run program way back and then, running the first two minutes was so hard and took everything I had. And now running 2 miles was so hard and took everything I had. But the cool thing is is that no matter where you are in the same journey, you are working and pushing yourself as hard as you can and its the same a feeling you get running your first two minutes as it does running your first two miles. I'll is going as hard as I could and pushing myself to the max and I ran a 12 minute mile. But in that moment the person running a four minute mile with feeling the exact same way. It's amazing. And it's a very cool feeling of camaraderie.

After my time trial, I took Hawksley to the dog park for the very first time. I have been hesitating to do this because I've heard horror stories about dog parks. But I was so very pleasantly surprised and we had an amazing time. He loves every minute and was completely exhausted at the end. A tired puppy is a happy puppy. All together I had a really great weekend. My first homework for 2.0, is a 3 mile run tomorrow. It's going to be 80 degrees tomorrow, so even though there is a group of people meeting at 6:30 p.m I think I'm going to wake up early and do it by myself before work. I hate running by myself, but I hate running in the heat even worse!

I have been thinking a lot about Nutrition lately. I've really not been able to get my head around eating and vitamins and moderation. It's something I've always struggled with. And it's something I will always struggle with. I've accepted that and I'm willing to take on each battle in this big war of being healthy. I think that I need to commit to 21 days of tracking what I eat. I really don't like tracking. But I think that it does help to see what I'm eating each day and reflect on it. I'm kind of looking forward to doing Weight Watchers. Not going to the meetings, but counting.. So that's what I will be doing this week and for the next two weeks at least.

When I pulled out my food jour to get started, I decided to look back on some old entries. I read some from the end of 2013. It was astonishing to read those thoughts that I had when I was so very overweight. Everything was so much harder and I felt so disconnected from myself and from life in general. It was really good to read that to remind myself how far I've come. I've lost over a hundred pounds but the biggest most remarkable change is the day to day. I enjoy life so much more now. It's important to remember that. My biggest success is not my size 10 jeans (which is super exciting don't get me wrong) but my new outlook on life my new healthy body and my ability to just enjoy every moment.

My next goal is to get down to a weight which classifies my BMI as only overweight and not obese. I am 6 pounds away! But my bigger goal is to really get ahead and feel in charge of my eating. So that's what I will be focusing on. The great thing is that with 2.0, all my fitness goals are coached, so I will have help with that. I really want to get faster! And I know I'm in really good hands to accomplish just that.

Oh yeah, I actually like running

I met a ton of other runners through the fleet feet learn to run program. The training programs have a break in between them. I made a facebook group called Lost in Pace so that we could have a place to connect and plan runs during the break....and also plan homework sessions during the program.

The group has really taken off! I planned a run for this morning on the canal path with breakfast at Simply Crepes after. There were three 5k's this morning and a lot of people ran in those but 7 of us met this morning. 

The canal path is nice because its a pretty run on the water with no traffic or cars. Its gravel so its better on the knees than pavement and there are trees for shade. Its also very flat and there are restaurants and ice cream shoppes and little stores that make it a lot of fun.

I'm happy to say I had a great run! The weather was perfect at 60 degrees with a cool breeze. It was bright with a clear blue sky. And I felt great the whole time. My legs felt good and my heart felt good. 

We did an out and back since people were at different paces. I did 3 miles and had negative splits! The last mile is my fastest mile to date!!! So happy because I really needed a good run. I have been actually asking myself if I even like running. Its hard running with Hawksley and my last 5k was so awful because I was pretty sick....I needed a good run and today more than fit the bill.

The next Nobo session starts a week from today. Really looking forward to it!

At Simply Crepes I got a goat cheese, asparagus mushroom crepe. It was pretty darn good but my mom got a creme brulé oatmeal that was out of this world. My friend got a brie, ham and apple crepe. Yum.

When I got home we took Hawksley to the dog park and then went grocery shopping. I have been relying heavily on frozen dinners (Lean Cuisines) because I feel stretched so thin in the summer. I want to be outside enjoying life not inside cooking!

Hawksley is sleeping still exhausted from the dog park. A tired dog is a happy dog!

Less than Fun Run

I woke up late this morning for my 6am run. Which under normal circumstances would have just been annoying but since I was meeting 4 people it was rude too.

After throwing on clothes and my Garmin and my wrist water bottle, Hawksley and I were out the door.

Despite being 110 pounds, Hawksley is only 7 months old and still in training. I feel bad in saying that recently I have chosen to leave him home more often than not when I go running because I haven't wanted to be bothered with the frustration of a training walk. Hawksley is the best behaved dog in the world! (In addition to being the handsomest!) Here he is at the dog park at my apartment...with his favorite thing...a stick in his mouth :-)

But when I start running (which is not a run for him...when I'm running he is walking quickly), he goes bonkers!

He starts jumping backwards and biting the leash. This only lasts about a minute but it still hurts my shoulder and is very annoying! Once he calms down its much better and he is back his good old self. We are working with a trainer and I realize it goes much better if I get his energy out before my run.

First we do a training walk to the dog park and then I let him run around there. Then we go for a run. Whew!  A lot to do in the morning but we both feel great after and the whole day is so much better!

I wish I could say today was a great run but it wasn't. I woke up with my hip bothering me. Right off the bat, Hawksley drops a deuce.  When I bagged it up, it got on my thumb! Ew!

Then my ankle started bugging me. I was going to do a short slow run. Then Hawksley went #2 again. (Because, oh, another fun fact? My running gets him so excited he poops a lot. Loose ones. During my run....so I'm stopping and bagging poops that look like they were dropped from pterodactyls periodically during my run...are you hating me less and less for leaving him home yet?) As I cleaned it up it got on my wrist water-bottle. Ick!

That's when I decided we were done. We did a training walk back to the apartment. Was more walking and stopping than running for sure!

Oh well. I try not to get upset about a bad run.....cuz there's always another one around the corner. I'm running tomorrow morning too. Hope it goes better.

My next running class session is starting soon! I signed up for No Boundaries 2.0 at my local Fleet Fleet running store. I'm scared and excited at the same time!

How It Happened

this is me.  in the middle of december.  in the freezing cold.  running.  a 5k. the whole thing. without stopping.  it might not seem like much to you, but it was huge for me.  a few (well, 12 to be exact) weeks earlier, i had not run more than one minute at a time. ever.

it wasn't for lack of trying!  i had tried and failed the couch to 5k program many times.  i had also been very active, going to the gym for about an hour 6 days a week for about a year, yet i could not run.  even when i felt like i could handle the cardio aspect of it, my body could not handle the impact of it.  my hips, knees, back and foot issues would immediately stop me.

yet, something in me knew that i loved running.  since i had never done it, im not sure how i knew that. i guess it's because i just had this overwhelming URGE to run.  i'd be walking outside or on the treadmill and have to fight the desire to just start running.  sometimes i would give in and do it.  and then 60 seconds later stop because it hurt...or because my lungs and heart were about to explode.

so, when i heard about the No Boundaries program i was excited yet skeptical. it's a running program for EVERY level.  it's sponsored by New Balance and run at Fleet Feet. the beginner program (often referred to as "5K") promises to take you from not being able to run at all to running a 5K in 12 weeks.  i went to each group workout not believing i would be able to complete it. but i did. each time.  one of the things that got me through was the coaches, mentors, and other participants running next to me.  they would tell me how i COULD and WOULD be able to do it. they were so sure because they had done it.  and seen hundreds (in some cases literally) of people do it year after year.

so i played along.  i never missed a group workout or a homework session.  i needed to know that if i failed it was not from lack of trying.  and this amazing thing happened. it worked.  i ran the whole entire 5k. and i wasn't the last one!

i loved it.  so much in fact that my husband, who was dead set against doing it with me, had a total change of heart. he saw how much fun i was having and decided to join me for some home works.  then he saw my success and decided he wanted to experience it too.  so he is! he is doing it with me this session.  we are both doing the 5K.  (yeah, i already did it, but i was sometimes at the very back of the group....ok i was always last.  and i think i'd like to do it again, maybe keep up a bit more this time.  and it will be fun being in the same program as my husband.)

that's also great news for you guys! because i will be documenting the whole thing right here!! can't wait to share it all with you!

My Pacer

i love running.

i know, right?  i don't LOOK like a girl who loves running.  but i do.  i can prove it!! i do it at night...in the snow and ice....and i even pay real money for people to let me run.  see, here's a picture of me dressed up like a reindeer in public....yup, i paid to be able to do that.

surprised? so was i.  see, i had spent my whole life thinking that i hated running.  i mean, i thought i hated all exercise, really.  but running had a special kind of hate attached to it.  and i really didn't do it. like ever.  never ever.  

you know how in school they used to make you run the mile every year?  i was always "sick" that day.  and the rare times they snuck it on me, i would walk out of the locker room in my stupid gym clothes, take one look at what was about to happen, and turn right around and go back inside.  if it was a male gym teacher, a simple "i have my period" was a good enough excuse...otherwise i had to fake a sudden onset illness.  but whatever it took, it was worth it.  so i managed to graduate high school without ever running.  not once. (pretty sweet, huh?)

i know this will surprise you...but i was a bit of a chubster in school.  well, always, really.  it bothered me of course. mostly when it came to shopping for clothes and things like that, which only crept up occasionally.  for the most part i was ok with it.

until one day, after a visit to the doctor, i wasn't.  

thus began the Great Weight Loss of 2007.  i lost about 50 pounds in 6 months and did it by EXERCISING. a lot.  like a LOT a lot.  it was pure torture.  

until, one day, it wasn't.  

i actually started to look forward to it.  when i got to the gym after work i could think about my day, have time with "me" (doesn't that sound completely ridiculous?) and just unwind and relax.  in a way that nothing else could make me relax.  usually all these thoughts are running through my head and i can't turn it off.  but when i was exercising, everything just started to slow down in my head and it felt great.  so, turns out, i'm kind of an athlete (like in the most casual sense).  crazy, huh?

well, the Great Weight Loss of 2007 was followed by the Great Weight Gain of 2008.  and that sucked.  not only for the obvious reasons, but mostly because i couldn't be active any more. and while that was all well and good before i had lost weight, now that i knew that i loved exercise.....it was kind of awful.   but don't worry!  this story has a happy middle.  

there was a Great Weight Loss of 2014.  like 100 pounds great.  see! i told you this story had a happy middle. i say "middle" because it's far from over.  in fact, i'm pretty sure there is not going to be an "over" or an "ending" because the thing about changing your life is that you can't stop moving.  you just keep going....and going.  wow, doesn't that sound completely awful?  

but the thing is, it's not.  it's actually kind of fun.  ok, it's really fun.  at least for me it is.  once i figured out that "keep going" doesn't mean "keep going at break neck speed" i have actually come to realize that i have wasted a lot of time in my life chasing Perfection.  stupid seductive Perfection.  when what i should have been running after was happy Medium.  and that's what i'm going for now.  happy Medium is my pacer.  

so, that's what this blog is going to be about.  me (because i love talking about myself), my progress with running (don't worry, you haven't missed much), my dog (cuz he's adorable and i'm a classic annoying pet owner),  recipes (they will all be so ridiculously easy that they are borderline boring.  ok, they'll be boring.) and most of all finding that happy Medium.